Desert of My Soul
In the desert of the spirit
I come to the mirage of Your Grace
Again and again,
Ready to dip my dry, parched, hurting soul
In the waters of Redemption.
Yet no relief for my thirst do I find
Though I search through the stones,
Though I watch and pray,
Aching for Your Grace.
You at once elude me,
Yet still I feel Your Presence
Beyond the numbness and pain.
Wait and pray. I will search from mirage to mirage |  |
At the Crossroads
The dust is dry on my feet,
The sweat hot on my brow.
Sitting by the path,
I seek a clearer Way.
Having given navigation over to You,
I wait at the crossroads
Seeking Your Plan.
Your Presence runs deep here
And every thought I turn to You,
You pour Your Presence anew into my heart.
Only my heart can I offer You
In this dusty place;
Only my soul, my will, my devotion.
I wait patiently
Adoring You in the dust and confusion.
My heart opens to absorb Your Love,
Catching Your gentle smile.
We sit lost in conversation
Of the Heart
And as the dust clears I see
That You are still here with me,
Still speaking, still listening,
Still loving, still guiding.
The crossroads remain
But are lost to us
For we walk a different path,
A path of the Heart.
You are here in the dust with me
And it is enough.
For our path is not out there,
But here, in the Heart.
And in the Heart,You open Your path to me
Leading me to You.
The Dust of the Journey
Down in the dirt again,
Breathing the dust of the journey,
And that of my mortality.
How easy it is to fall;
How familiar the view
From the ground.
Lying in the dust,
The world spinning out of control.
I wonder if I will ever
Outgrow this place
Where I gaze into the face
Of the dust from which I came.
My heart wants to soar with You
Like on eagle's wings,
But my wings break so easily
And I am down in the dust again.
Does Your Heart of Compassion
Pour out at my failures?
You who have the vision of eagles
And can see my smallness
From such heights,
Will You rescue me?
Will You carry me
On Your wings?
I long to be all You desire,
But only You know the Way.
And it seems only splinted to Your Cross
Am I raised from the ground
And stand in You.
I trust that Your hand
Will gently find my hand and heart.
Meet me where I am, O Lord,
And lift me by Your love
To where You are;
Where Your Sacred Heart of agony
Weeps with me,
And Your Sacred Heart of love
Loves for me.
I search in the desert dust
For the pure fountain of Your loving Heart
To spring forth,
Washing away the dust of the journey.
Touch the deep thirst of my soul
That can only be filled in You, O Lord.
Come breathe into this dust new life.
Stir my soul to grasp onto You,
Trusting in Your every move.
If I trust in Your mercy,
Will You lift me on eagle's wings
Out of the dust of my soul?
Will You teach me to love like You
Those who stand and walk,
But especially those
Who are face down
In the dust?
Ash
Dust, ash,
So easily stirred by the least movement,
Scatter, swirl,
Then come to rest again.
Such little flecks of a big universe,
Discarded, unappreciated,
So like weeds, often us.
It is You, my Lord,
Who takes our dust,
So plain, so humble,
And forms us in Your image.
It is only You, O Lord,
Who takes our ash
After we have burnt ourselves out,
And forms us into Your image again.
You, whose thoughts, whose Heart
Can birth a universe,
You take our clay
And make us Your own.
You, whose most Sacred Heart,
Whose most pure Spirit,
Stirs to Life our souls,
Stir our hearts in Your Heart,
Our souls in You,
And bring us home to You.
As dust returns to the earth
After a disturbance,
Open Your Heart
For our return.
Take us, O Lord, O Master of Love,
And let us cling to You again,
Your dust, yet Your jewel in Your eyes.
You, who counts each fleck,
Each grain of sand,
Each hair on our heads,
Count our hearts, touch our souls,
Bring them into Your Heart
And like the ore of the earth,
Make them Your gold.
Though I am simple, though common, though dust,
You, my Lord, with Your Presence and Your Love,
Transform me, draw me to You
And in Your most Sacred Heart,
You make me feel precious to You.
Not with carbon, but Love
You formed Your universe;
Carbon is but the ash
Of Your Furnace of Love.
Touch my ash with Your Fire, O Lord,
And bring me to Life, once again, in You.
Take me to You and quench my thirst for Your Love.
Take my ash in Your hands
And breathe in me
Life in You.
The Pebbles
O Lord, You are my rock and my salvation.
You, O Mountain of Strength,
Rock of immovable Truth,
You remain, still, despite our questions, doubts.
We praise You in the mightiness of Your Mountain
But stumble on the pebbles at Your Feet.
In You, Lord, I find my soul's greatest rest,
The Waters of Life,
The Fire of Love,
Ever-burning, ever healing.
But when You speak, sometimes, I cringe.
I wonder if I hear correctly.
I wonder if I understand.
I wonder if I can do what You ask.
In my heart I know
You would not ask of me
The impossible.
But in my humanness,
I stumble on the pebbles,
Standing and falling,
Standing and falling.
Unable to die in Your Arms.
I want to climb Your Sacred Mountain
But I keep falling on the pebbles.
Do You tire at my feeble attempts?
I thirst.
Does my weakness leave You abandoned?
My God, why have You forsaken me?
Or do You, in Your All-knowingness,
Watch and wait as I discover, once again,
My utter dependence on You, my God.
Father, forgive them for they know not what they do.
Your Heart opens to my weakness,
Inviting me back in where I belong.
I am nothing outside of You.
I want nothing outside of You.
Your Cross is hard, my Lord, but Sweet.
Take me to the Heart of Your Mountain, my Jesus!
And rescue me from the pebbles!
The pebbles are too heavy for me to move alone!
The Only Thing I Know
My fortresses fall, my mountains crumble,
Stars and earth move around me.
Nothing is untouched, nothing is real,
Save a growing core,
Immovable, solid yet soft, unchanging.
This only grows stronger and clearer,
As everything else falls around me.
There is only one thing I know.
There is only one thing that is real.
You, O Sacred Heart of my God,
Are at the core of who I am.
You, O Sacred Heart of Love,
Are the only thing unchanging in me.
My love for You, O Sacred Heart,
Is all I know of myself that I am sure of.
My love for You is all I am
And all I want to be.
Like the Nugget left after the furnace
Turns ore to gold, are You, my Lord.
Like the Rock left after the tide
Washes away the sand, are You, my Lord.
Like the Light of a burning flame
Holding off the darkness, are You, my Lord.
You have not moved in Your love for me.
You have held me still, unchanging in my love for You,
Though in everything else I crumble.
Your Heart of Love, like the cement of my life,
Holds me together with the only thing I know.
The Night Walk
Lost on Your path,
My compass searches for Your Heart.
Led into the wilderness by Your Spirit,
Into uncharted regions of the soul,
I stumble, I fall in the night.
I grope in the darkness for You,
Trusting You are still there.
As I try to brush off the dust
From my recent falls,
I sense Your gaze upon my soul.
Your hands gently wipe the tears
And dirt from my eyes and
Softly taking my bruised hands in Yours,
You tug at me to try again.
Bewildered by the difficulty of the path,
I watch for the break of dawn
So that I may see the way.
But Your hand in mine
Tells me of the Night Walk,
The trusting soul,
That closing eyes to darkness,
Walks only in Your Light;
Then holding on to Your hand,
Enters softly into the
Secret Regions of Your Heart.
Your hand lifts me again.
Closing my eyes,
I hope for a glimpse
Of the Secret Path
Leading to the Eternal City
Of Your Sacred Heart.
Death to Life
Back on my knees,
The vessel broken once again.
That which was filled, poured out.
That which appeared strong, weak and broken.
Leaning against Your Cross for strength,
I wonder if You wanted it this way?
You know I have no strength but You.
Is it Your wish that I be sure?
I watch myself fail, try again, fail.
Not on the mountain, not even the pebbles,
But on every tiny grain of sand, I stumble.
Can I not move without Your help?
...stand without Your arm?
...think without Your thoughts?
...love without Your love?
Can I even just be, present in Your love,
Or must You hold me even then?
Is this feeling, this nothingness,
This dependence on You,
This brokenness, this death,
Is this the death to self You speak of?
Or is there more?
The compost pile of my life,
Is always changing,
Always growing into something new
By brokenness, decay and
A surrendering death.
Will the Spring come when
The seeds You planted will sprout
And someday bloom?
Was this Your plan, my Lord,
To make me nothing
So in Your Heart
I could find my everything?
Will You take this nothingness
And make it Yours?
Will You build Your temple in me
Stone by stone,
Day by day,
So that in time
You may be praised in it?
You may be worshipped in it?
That it may absorb Your tender love,
Then raise the fragrance
Of a sanctified life
From the compost of my soul.
Adoration
I came, stumbling
Across the threshold of Your house
Falling into pieces on Your floor.
Once again, the vessel broken
Scattering across the Holy Ground of Your Presence.
Only so precious few hours, no minutes, before
Had I petitioned for Your Strength,
Your Wisdom, Your Holy Silence and Your Peace.
And here I was, in pieces,
Broken intentions, fallen to the floor
As my tears of failure.
I love you so much
Why can't I do what I intend for You?
Why do I always fail?
Why can I not step into
The Silence of Your Love
When I am tempted?
Why is it so hard?
Your precious hands picked up my pieces
So lovingly holding them together
And making me whole again
With the glue of your Love.
And then,
As if that wasn't enough,
You poured Yourself out into my chalice
To overflowing,
Baptizing me once again
In Your Love,
Holding me together with Your Strength,
Picking me up with Your Courage,
Molding me.
Into my ear You whispered
Words of Love and Hope,
Words of comfort,
In Your plan.
You poured Yourself out
To overflowing.
Overflow, You said,
Into my people.
All praise be Yours, my Lord, my Life,
For Your loving kindness and mercy.
Straw into Gold
Struggling to find You in my heart
I wade through pain and confusion,
Impatience and isolation;
I wade through what I think should be;
I wade through judgments and anger;
I wade through what I wish could be.
How did these things I loathe get in my heart again?
How do I find You in this dark, painful heart?
Yet You are always here
And You are always near
Though sometimes hard for me to find.
I beg You to help me lose
These pains and distractions.
I surrender all I am to Your Will,
To Your Sacred Heart, once again.
And then I wait, on You my Lord.
You do not lift this pain right away.
But still I wait.
The stone on this tomb is too heavy for me, my Lord.
Please help soon!
As I struggle to prepare a place for You,
I encounter my fears, my pains,
My total dependence on You.
I look to You, Lord, for only You
Can strengthen and heal me.
"I am not worthy to receive You,
But only say the word and I shall be healed,"
I chant as I clean house in my heart.
Emptying my chalice, I wait for You to fill.
I will not move until You come.
Day after day, hour after hour,
I wait, I pray, I dig, I prepare.
My heart reaches for Your Sacred Heart.
I call for You, I open the doors wider.
Contemplating Your Sacred Heart,
I remember the Thorns, the Wound, the Cross.
You know the constant pain.
You know the rejection and isolation.
You know the desire for Your people
Burning in Your Heart, a Love unrequited.
And I have asked for Your Heart!
What did I expect?
Contemplating Your abandonment
To us on Your Cross,
I draw near to Your Altar of Sacrifice;
Accepting Your Pain in mine, I let Peace in.
As Your Peace enters my heart,
Your Light overcomes the shadows
And the straw of the place I prepared
For You to rest Your head
Is turned to Gold as Your Presence
Touches it and comes to rest.
As I receive Your Body and Blood,
Our Communion, our Covenant of Love, is completed.
As I become one with Your pain,
So I become one with Your Peace.
I receive You, Jesus, into my heart once again
As You are born anew in me.
Please make me a willing carrier
Of the desire of Your Sacred Heart.
Please make me a willing example
Of Your Love through pain.
O Sacred Heart inspire me
With Your Love that knows no bounds!
And turn the unworthy straw of my heart
Into the Gold of Your Presence!
Lantern in the Night
I sit by the water's edge
Watching the lapping water
Move through my empty nets.
Some days empty nets seem full
And others full nets seem empty.
I wait by the water's edge
Listening for Your call,
Watching for Your beckon.
My heart is heavy from the weight
Of lost fish and lost fishermen.
Desiring only Your Heart
Only to be with You,
Only to do Your Will,
I am confused by the darkness
And the empty nets.
My heart is weary from the struggle.
It searches for You
Among the seaweed and nets.
Glancing at every person
Who comes my way,
I look for a glimmer of Your Flame
In their eyes.
Your Flame grows silently in my heart.
As You grow brighter,
The world in contrast grows dimmer
As when you leave a brightly lit room,
The darkness outside is so much darker.
And call Your name.
Tear through the darkness
With Your Light!
Take my heart into Your wounded hands
And teach me to love like You
Through the darkness,
Through the pain,
Through the emptiness.
Inflame Your Light in this soul
Made empty for You
And make my emptiness
Your lantern in the night.
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